Lori's 1st online poll:
How do you handle conflict?
Do you:
a. run way- sometimes leaving skid marks.
b. shrink away-"honey, I want to shrink myself!"
c. become dumb....and dumber - find yourself speechless, then lash out & say something stupid.
d. become a surgeon - find out what is at the "heart" of the problem and go, with careful thought, from there.
Most people are really bad about resolving conflict. Don't feel bad if you picked a,b, or c. I used to be just like you and if you get your own blog, then you can be perfect in your world, too.
OK, talk to me....I'm listening.....
Do you:
a. run way- sometimes leaving skid marks.
b. shrink away-"honey, I want to shrink myself!"
c. become dumb....and dumber - find yourself speechless, then lash out & say something stupid.
d. become a surgeon - find out what is at the "heart" of the problem and go, with careful thought, from there.
Most people are really bad about resolving conflict. Don't feel bad if you picked a,b, or c. I used to be just like you and if you get your own blog, then you can be perfect in your world, too.
OK, talk to me....I'm listening.....
posted by Lori's World @ 4:53 PM
8 Comments:
At 10:52 AM,
Anonymous said…
I love polls!!!
let's see, what was the question?
How do I handle conflict?
definately A- running away from it seems the easiest thing to do.
Is that wrong???
At 10:58 AM,
Lori's World said…
Dear Anonymous,
Yes, running away solves nothing...and as I always say, the hardest thing to do is always the right thing to do.
Next time, try this:
1. don't run.
2. think through the problem before opening mouth and calmly identify what you think the problem is and then ask the other person to give you feedback. Be a good listener. Then, calmly, give rebuttal.
3. if these suggestions lead to more conflict, I suggest a little MACE. that'll teach 'em to mess with you.
At 11:01 AM,
Anonymous said…
Great advice, Dr. Lori,
can I call you that?
anyway, I took your advice today when I had a "conflict" with my teenage daughter and nothing seemed to work so I had to resort to the mace, but that worked good, she shut right up.
thanks
At 11:06 AM,
Lori's World said…
Oh, Anonymous,
I forget to say:
Disregard if you are dealing with tweens, preteens or teens.
You cannot rationalize with these. It would be like having a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
I would suggest shaving them bald everytime they make poor choices.
At 3:59 PM,
Lori said…
I think I'm more of a C person. But I'm getting better Dr., really I am. Am I????
At 1:35 PM,
Anonymous said…
What I know is that I feel safest and most secure in those relationships where I can truly trust that my friend or spouse could and would come to me if there were a problem needing discussion. Confronting sounds so monstrous because people associate it with being defensive or it possibly starting out as a disaggreement or it feeling like an attack.
But in a meaningful relationship, you WANT to know if you have hurt or disappointed someone you are close to, so you can both discuss that situation and understand what the other was feeling when it happened. That's what keeps you from repeating the same mistake and allows you to grow closer to one another. I really think it is vital to make sure that person knows that you are open and approachable and will listen. That pattern will strenghen you both so that you can go to him or her as well. It builds from there. Each time you show her that you can listen and will not become defensive, he/she will feel safe in coming to you with an issue. And setting those things in place will allow you to go to him or her and trust that the things you need to talk about will be received with an open heart. The relationship will flourish because of that kind of trust. I think that is at the core of any successful marriage or friendship.
Funny you should mention MACE...as a police officer, MACE is almost the very last option Jon wants to use on a suspect - because just as much gets on you, blinding you, stinging you as it gets on the criminal so it not only hinders him, it hinders YOU.
Similarly, I think keeping things from a close friend damages the both of you - and it hurts (stings a bit too).
okay, sermon over. Clearly a subject close to my heart. Thank you Lori for the trust we share!
Love,
Kimberly
At 5:55 PM,
Lori's World said…
Amen! Preach it sista!!!!
At 2:17 PM,
Anonymous said…
okay, I am going to have to same E.
E. Become defensive, get aggitated and wonder why am I the only one that gets it!?
Yeah, definitely E!
Like to other day with me hubby. He accused me of something, I got defensive, raised my voice. Told him he was the only one who doesn't "get it!". He asked "get what" and I replied "he is the only one who doesn't get that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and without me he would be lost." I get it, HIS family "gets it", (so much that they want to clone me for the future spouses of his brothers), my family "gets it" and my friends "get it". I said, "so just try for one week to get through life without me. Then we will see "how's that workin' for ya???
Definitely E!
Juli
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